The Sword of Horus

In 1978 E.V. Miller [Frater RA], General Partner of the Beltane Herb Co. in Seattle, sent a brief letter and subscribed to The Newaeon Newsletter.  He also promised to publish Golden Twigs by Aleister Crowley through HPS's Thelema Publications, but the book was never published.  [It was published by Teitan Press much later - 1997 E.V. NOTE]  After subscribing to TNN Volume I he was not heard from again.  Urged by HPS, I tried to contact him in March of 1980 E.V., but to no avail.  I shrugged my shoulders.  Finally in 1985 E.V. form letters were sent out to various individuals and Richard and his wife Iona responded.  Their letter of "10-10-85" stated:

"We are a publishing camp within the O.T.O..  I am both an active member within the O.T.O. and A:.A:. [sic].  Phyllis Seckler was my initiator, years ago."

I think Newaeon has amply proven that Phyllis has no right to initiate anyone into either the O.T.O. or the A.·.A.·. - that her papers regarding the latter order are bogus and that she does not in the least understand that order [of being] - that the "O.T.O." she represents is as legitimate as a $3 bill.  My reply [in part] was:

"Initiated into the A.·.A.·. by Soror Meral (Phyllis Seckler):  Hmm.  I see you haven't read any of the later newsletters.  That does not mean anything good to me."

Miller continued and felt the need to state, "My wife and I are published writers", and I had the distinct impression that I was supposed to ooh and ah here, but of course I was not impressed.  I have seen their books and their pseudo-intellectualism did not favourably impress me and apparently they do not impress a lot of people because the local university book store cannot give the bloody things away.  The letter went on a bit and while signed by RAM there was typed under it "Richard and Iona Miller, aka Philo Stone".  Cute ... as in Philosopher's Stone.

The Millers sent some enclosures, and they explained:

"The reason we are giving you this information is toward our possible contribution toward your newsletter ... we would accept an exchange for a subscription to your publication."

These "published writers" were too cheap to spend $6.66 for a subscription to TNN and they must have been very insulted when I showed no interest in publishing their material in the newsletter.  As usual I was polite and explained that Newaeon no longer exchanged publications as it cuts too deeply into income.  Yet while being gentlemanly I did not, as usual, shy away from expressing my honest opinions.  Two more letters came from "Rick" and I thought it would be interesting to keep the correspondence going for a while and so bought the Millers a subscription to The Newaeon Newsletter.

"We are particularly impressed with the writing style of Frater M.E.D.", he wrote.  "We would like to continue a subscription to your work.  How much do you require?"  And, "we would like you to begin a review of our works..."

We may still review the works of "Philo Stone", but somehow we think the Millers may no longer be looking forward to this.

RAM's letter finished with

"Whom would you recommend as credible regarding systems of magickal [sic] study groups and/or orders?  Richard agrees with your evaluation of Phyllis."

Obviously this last sentence was written by Iona.  Apparently it takes both of them to write a simple letter. 

"Although we had some trouble with your claim of crossing the Abyss, this necessarily indicates you have a teacher.  Is this teacher available to us?"

It is interesting to note that they consider their initiatrix to be a charlatan and yet they consider their initiations valid - and obviously they are not satisfied with the so-called "living teacher" that they mentioned in an earlier letter.  It seems as though the Millers, who wish to be accepted by others as high adepts, hunger for a teacher as much as any neophyte.  I replied that I could recommend no groups nor could I give them the names of any teachers.  This annoyed them because it was obvious that I was withholding information that previous promises I had made demanded.  That was their opinion, of course.

In my reply letter I wrote that

"I am a Master of the Temple ... so what? ... I'm still only a human being ... I fuck up ... big deal."

Regarding their question about a teacher:

"The teacher is available to you ... but not one of the teachers I had ... at least not directly.  Your concept is naive.  What rule book do you have that states that one must have a human teacher to cross the Abyss and achieve the grade of Magister Templi 8°=3°?  Take a person and put him in a dark place.  If there is no one about capable of showing him the way out of the darkness and to the Light, should he sit there and dare not to move?  Absurd.  Carefully he must find his own way.  My teachers were the writings of the Beast (primarily) and mine own H.G.A. ... Next you will be asking me for my degree in sex magick.  Sorry to disappoint you.  I have no 'living teacher' that spends his days answering 200 letters."  As they claimed their guru does.  "Who was it that taught the first teacher?"

The Millers spoke of their "living teacher", Charan Sing, and the Sant Mat and said that if I wanted to know more I could just ask - I did and they explained nothing.

I suppose I should explain Philo Stone and "his" relation to the Millers.  They wrote:

"Philo Stone was chosen as an androgynous being, symbolising the 'marriage' of the masculine and feminine.  Iona is feminine, with a psychological background, and a yoga orientation of training.  Richard is masculine, with a physics education, and a magical orientation of training.  You must admit, we represent a classical combination for writing on QBL."

I did not have to admit that and certainly did not see it their way.  In this same letter they also wrote:

"Are you familiar with the legend of 'the Follower'?  Perhaps you might like to review 'N=50, V=6' by Philo Stone?"

I expressed an interest, they received the recent copies of TNN, but I did not receive their work for review.  In a later letter I mentioned this work of their's and my interest again but once more they ignored it and failed to send "N=50, V=6" to me.  I began to wonder what they had decided to hide - what they might feel foolish about after reading the more recent copies of The Newaeon Newsletter.

Eventually I wrote to them in reply to a three-page letter typed single space - it was a reply that they did not expect:

"I recently received your letter of the 14th (of March 1986 E.V.) and while it seems to reflect your indignant anger at being criticised by me ... that your ego was enraged by my criticism that you may be over intellectualizing magick ... I will seriously consider your comments in regard to An Account of the Crossing of the Abyss.

"All Points of View are valid and worth consideration.

"Thank you for being so tactlessly blunt ... seriously ... as it makes your letter to me more valuable than you can imagine.

"I will seriously study the matter over and get back to you on the subject."

Well, I did seriously consider their comments and study the matter and I am getting back to Richard Alan and Iona Miller, aka Philo Stone now.  They are subscribers to Volume V of TNN so they will get this - and they have paid for it too!

Let us review some of their letter to me dated "3-14-86".  It was signed "Iona" but underneath this was typed "Iona (and Rick) Miller, aka Philo Stone" and we can safely assume that Rick helped to write this letter.  Who said two heads are better than one?

"Clearly you are a person of some magical acumen with alot [sic] of self motivation and dedication.  However, it appears you have fallen into a very minor abyss, known in psychology as a 'blind spot'",

then they went into an explanation of the abyss on the four planes to squirm out of a little error I had caught them in.  As you read on you may decide that the blind spot they speak of is their's.  In fact, their own egos, which must reinforce each other dangerously, prove to be blind to their own follies and inbalances.

"If any abyss was crossed," they wrote, "it is only the abyss of Assiah in terms of your own descriptors [sic] which you have so sadly misinterpreted."

How would they know this for certain unless they themselves have experienced the crossing?  I suspect that they either believe that they have experienced this ordeal or intend to claim that they have, knowing better, and that my Account in TNN III.5/6 has rocked their boat and upset their plans.  As to their reference to the Four Worlds of the Qabalists - these Worlds are Assiah [the Material World], Yetzirah [the Formative World], Briah [the Creative World] and Atziluth [the Archetypal World].  In a way there are thus four Trees to climb and so four abysses to cross.  Most people in the normal course of life travel the Tree of Assiah.  Many travel the Tree of Yetzirah.  Some travel the Tree of Briah and in each Tree one may come to the ordeal of the crossing and either make that crossing or fail to do so.  The Worlds are levels of consciousness - to put it simply.  To live is to travel the Path of the Wise.  For most people the Path is travelled in an unconscious manner and upon the lower levels of consciousness only.  The magician travels through the first three worlds but also, with full conscioiusness, full awareness, the Tree of the fourth World of Atziluth is travelled, and it is the abyss of this Archetypal World that is referred to in TNN III.5/6, although it should be remembered that that is bound to have its reflections, as it were, in all of the other Worlds or levels of consciousness.

The "blind spot" is not mine, making me misinterpret an experience, but rather is that "blind spot" their's, causing the Millers to fail to understand the Account published in TNN III.5/6.  When a person does not want to believe something no amount of reason and "proof" can make that person accept a fact as a fact.

"I am reminded," the Miller's wrote, "of an article I saw lately called 'Women in the Abyss,' about relationship problems which come through emotional upheaval.  Surely these times are difficult, and we have all been through them.  How much more painful they can be when they involve our magical aspirations, in your case gaining a peer for a working partner."

Then it goes on into an uninteresting anecdote about how they did not hit it off the first time.  Again, the problem does not lie with the Account nor the writer of that Account - the problem is not in the object but in the poor perception of that object.  The Millers obviously lack the higher levels of consciousness needed to fully understand the import of the Account.  They have seen only the superficial aspects of the writing and failed to comprehend the significance.

They wrote:

"Had you truly crossed the abyss which is commonly refered [sic] to by great sages and saints you would be a much different type of individual."

Their naiveté is truly amusing!  Obviously they have some kind of fairy tale idea about what a Master should be.  They seem to think that despite individuality of Will there is no individuality in Masters!  How can they hope to Understand a Master of the Temple unless they themselves are claiming to be just that - and probably that is one reason for their anger; they had intended to claim that and now find their game jeopardized.  How can the Millers hope to Understand just what type of an individual a Master of the Temple should be when they are without Understanding?

They continued,

"It is between the soul and the creator, not some 'fluff' and her magically deluded beau."

They tried very hard to appear so above the pettiness of ego but as the letter goes on that pettiness shows through more and more until they insult both the lady [Cyn] and yours truly - who, by the way, was only amused by their insults.  They failed to see that the crossing was a matter between the soul and its creator, as they worded it, and that neither Cyn nor my relationship with her was the crossing itself.  Cyn was the Siren the magician encounters and the relationship was merely the vehicle which carried me to the Abyss.  The crossing was indeed a very deep matter between myself and my Angel.  It was experienced very deeply upon various levels of consciousness, all levels of consciousness simultaneously as these are not really separate as they seem to be and this is a fact that I have ever been aware of in life.  It is natural for me, for instance, to experience various opposing points of view at the same time and not be locked in any one of these.  Likewise, when something is experienced it is never experienced by me in part - a level here and a level there.  The emotional, intellectual, astral, and so forth, all levels are experienced and appreciated at once.  It is, perhaps, the fruit of many initiations during many incarnations that I enjoy.

One lady brushed off the Account saying that it sounded like a Harlequin Romance.  I had to chuckle.  I could see her point.  From her level of consciousness it would seem that way.  It does not mean that the Account was at fault, yet any account of the crossing is bound to be faulty since the language and symbols available are inadequate for the job of bringing down that Understanding into the minds of those who stand without the Gate.  The fact that I do my very best to dispense with mumbo jumbo and occult jargon also tends to put people off.  People generally wish to be impressed with professional sounding terms and when they can understand a matter simply they tend to dismiss it as unimportant and thus fail to understand it altogether.  Truth, however, is essentially simple.  There is no sense in over complification.  It is, in fact, part of my Will to simplify matters that have been over complicated and make them easier for the average mind to comprehend.  [Having an "average mind" myself I can sympathize completely!]

"All of the planetary symbolism you so casually attribute to the supernals could just as easily be accounted for on the lower rungs of the Tree,"

the Millers continued.  I do not disagree.  The fact that this is true does not invalidate my Account.  It does show, however, how fickled Knowledge is and how easily it can be manipulated to "prove" anything.  A symbol can mean anything because it means everything depending upon how it is viewed.  Something exists therefore it verifies itself and yet by its very existence it verifies the existence of Nothing, its complete [apparent] opposite.  Here it is not I who places too much importance upon Knowledge, but rather the Millers who obviously worship Knowledge at the expense of intelligence.  They wear their Knowledge proudly as a crown upon their heads - but it is a false crown.  Knowledge is merely accumulated facts and all facts are essentially an illusion, whereas intelligence is the ability to perceive such as this.  The Millers take their Knowledge much too seriously.  The symbolism I recorded in the Account was done sincerely enough but it was not meant as an absolute proof of anything.  I am aware of the Rev. Walter W. Skeat's Concise Etymological Dictionary of the English Language wherein intelligence is related to French and Latin roots which mean "to discern, understand", whereas knowledge is traced back to Anglo Saxon roots which mean "a game, sport, play", showing just how seriously Knowledge should be taken.  Knowledge is an important tool, but it is not the Absolute, and it is the Absolute that one should strive to attain.

"My friend," the Millers continued, "you have grossly over-estimated your attainment ... First lets consider your so-called teacher Crowley.  Recall this man himself died as a slave to the drug heroin.  It is my opinion he never crossed the Abyss either, or his later writing would have reflected this spiritual insight.  Also it would have reflected in his lifestyle.  You may realize he begged a living off his few follwers.  Who knows what anguish or circumstance caused him to compensate with his delusion of having become a pure soul."

Remember here that the Millers are supposed to be Thelemites - followers of Aleister Crowley, the great Beast 666, and that they are supposed to accept the worth of Thelema - yet here they are basically telling us that Thelema can have little if any worth since its "founder", if you will, was a charlatan, madman, dope fiend and beggar!  And these so-called Thelemites are also members of the "Hymenaeus pseudo-o.t.o."* [as I shall now call that group once headed by Grady McMurtry] - says a lot about that group and its requirements for membership!  Forget about sincerity and honesty!

Besides, Crowley begged for nothing.  Seldom did he even ask for assistance.  His needs were made known and if another wished to help him that person was certainly welcome to, and since Crowley had given everything he had for the sake of humanity, it was only right that humanity gave something back in return.

"My friend," the Millers went on, "you also divulge that you were 29 years old, yet no menton is made of the part played by your Saturn return, which is clearly enormous."

Probably it is because I am not an astrologer and was not even aware of this at the time, but I suppose the Millers are expert astrologers too.  And anyway, like anything else, this can be interpreted variously and to me it only seems to strengthen the claim that I was crossing the Abyss and returning to the Great Sea, the Womb of the Supernal Mother, the Sphere of Saturn!

"But all the Crowley quotes in the world can't disguise the psychological facts!"

Psychological facts?  First of all, "facts" are relative and in psychology perhaps even more relative - it is still an infant science at best.  Again we see how the Millers are slaves to their Knowledge - their accumulation of illusory facts that they worship as an absolute god.  As for the quotations, they were not used to disguise anything, but rather to show the similarities to illustrate the relative sameness of the experience in order to help the next Magister Templi come into being by enabling him to understand better what is happening when it begins to happen.

"On pg. 15," the Millers tirelessly and tiresomely continue, "we find the big deal Ordeal.  The 'visage of horror,' the thing in the mirror, about which you immediately recognize the truth, fooled you almost totally.  You were right about one thing, it is everything you are not! ... It is clearly not Choronzon ... The encounter with the shade is the first step in analysis and in working the Tree ... Friend, believe it or not, you were only shadow boxing."

Now unless the Millers themselves encountered Choronzon how would they know what Choronzon is or is not?  They speak like the all too typical know nothing know it all, the person who has never done your job but who knows it better than you with your ten years of experience doing the work.  You know the type.  They are as common as dirt on the face of the earth.

I am terribly sorry if my Ordeal was not exciting enough to hold their interest.  It was enough of a strain on me to cause me to pass out and suffer from a rapid and irregularly beating heart.

the Millers proclaimed.  A very vulgar and stupid thing to say.  How would they know this?  Besides, what seems a minor darkness to one may be the deepest darkness to another.  It was not a single woman who let me down, but all of society and the very Gods themselves.  Soror Cyn represented my Eve and as such she was Life itself and so Life let me down completely, proved itself a mocking sham and worthless.  The woman herself meant little, but she was to me then more than a woman, she was a symbol, she was Nuit Herself, the Universe, and the Universe had proven itself a cruel joke and was destroyed utterly leaving me adrift upon a Sea of Sorrow - an empty void.  Again the Millers display egotistical snobbery.  Of course they have experienced greater darknesses.  Everything they say and do and think is greater than whatever anyone else says, does or thinks.  They remind me of spoiled little children:  "Mine's bigger and better than yours ... nahh ... nahh ..."

"Then you pack up your car," the Millers continue, "and begin the journey, the quest to redeem your beloved.  Sounds like the old hero-myth to me."

How about that.  Now they are beginning to get the point!  Or are they?  They see but they do not understand.  Such an experience as mine is just that which lies behind the epic myths of old.

"There is so much 'animosity' between you and Cyn, it is clearly a projection on both parts.  When she gained some distance from you, she probably instinctively realized what a whacked out domineering personality you would be to live with and reconsidered."

Remember, this letter is supposed to have been written in all fraternity - or so they assured me.  The animosity is clearly coming from the Millers whose writing I criticized and showed no interest in publishing in TNN.  For the record, there was no animosity between Cyn and I.  For one thing I was too bewildered in the beginning and too concentrated upon the significance of the ordeal later on to concern myself with such petty emotions.  Furthermore, yours truly does not possess a "whacked out, domineering personality" - if anything I was too giving and laid back!  I am a magician who has no desire to control the elements much less dominate another individual.  My natural tendency is to leave others alone and hope that they leave me alone - there is no desire to lead nor to follow.  As it turns out, it was Cyn who had a problem with commitments.  She makes them then becomes frightened and feels suffocated whereupon she runs without warning.  For instance, I found out later that before she came to me she had dumped the man she had been seeing for a very long time shortly after she accepted the engagement ring he gave her.  Throughout their letter the Millers actually show their lack of psychological knowledge and expertise and they jump to the hastiest possible conclusions.

"Whacked out"?  I am a bit of a nut, but really ...!  Aries - head rules the heart - I am absurdly rational and logical.

"The potential may exist in you," the Millers wrote, "but it didn't manifest."

That is, of course, a matter of opinion not worth discussing.

"This 'fillet of soul' is meant in all kindness because you are a sincere aspirant to the path."

Kindness?  A "whacked out, domineering personality"!  "Magically deluded beau"!  Sounds very kind indeed ...

"I am taking the time to give you my educated view point, from analyzing your own words."

Analyzing is right.

"This incident has fallen in your blind spot and not recognizing this and publically recanting is damaging your public image and your spiritual progress both."

As for my public image, if I were to be more concerned with that than I am with the Truth then I would indeed be proving that I had not crossed the Abyss and that ego still ruled!  Now, publically recant ... aha ... now we see what they are trying for - but oh how stupid.  Master or charlatan, I would have to be a moron to turn around now and say it was all a bunch of lies.  But why do they want me to recant?  So that everything I have said and written in the past will lose its value and also to open the way for the false claims they obviously intend to make or have already made and which are now shown false to the Light of Truth, made silly by comparison to the words I have committed to paper.

For the record:  I successfully crossed the Abyss [of Atziluth] and attained to the Sphere of Saturn and achieved the grade of Magister Templi thus becoming one with the A.·.A.·..  I do not know what else I can say but the simple truth.  I will just leave it at that for now.  I do not make a big deal about my achievement, but what a fuss people like the Millers make over it!

"It is very ostentatious to use the royal 'WE' in Amerika, unless you live in a psychic 'Roach motel' of fragmented personality parts.  The 8=3 knows there is no duality."

Again they miss the point entirely.  They are referring to the substitute I made for the personal pronoun.  The writings of To Mega Therion show the same dilemma.  Once the crossing is successfully made and the ego is annihilated there is an aversion to saying "I".  One struggles to compensate but the language is inadequate.  One tries the "royal We" but not in the sense of ego and duality.  "We" is meant to imply not duality but totality:  "I is now All and being All I am Not."  However, after a while one surrenders to convention and again resumes the use of "I" - but with a sly smile knowing that the "I" is Yod the Secret Seed and thus the True Self.

"On the positive side," the Millers go on seemingly forever, "I enjoy your Gematria and think you are probably some kind of scholar of Greek Qabalah.  Which is one reason it is sad to see you misclassifying yourself on the Tree."

They could not even say something nice without souring it - how bitter they must be.  How envious.  And finally:

"I challenge you to print all or part of my critique in your newsletter.  You've blasted everyone else's folly, why not your own!  It would add some touch of humanity and humor to an otherwise overblown view of yourself, usually called INFLATION."

They have revealed their own blind spots and shown that they have overblown, inflated egos that were enraged by being criticized and not given the attention expected.  The Millers wrote venting their anger, frustration and displaying their envy and ignorance.  Richard and Iona managed to expose their insincerity and hypocrisy - and these are high adepts of the "O.T.O."?